This is China

China is a country of contradictions; ancient architecture sits happily beside towering skyscrapers, and Chinese culture is fiercely protected while Western culture is coveted. I've mentioned before how living here hasn't been the culture shock that I anticipated, but that doesn't mean that there aren't many many things here that make me stop and just think "why?!".

Much of Chinese life is familiar, and often charming and beautiful; however there is another side of Chinese life that, as a foreigner, I struggle to understand. 

This list started as a conversation between me and a friend (who is also here teaching English) and I don't think either of us ever imagined it would be quite so extensive. 

Everything on this list is something that one can see on any given day here in China and I want to stress that it is all in good humour; highlighting the weird and wonderful differences that present when adapting to a brand new culture. 

So here is it, a collaborative observation of the oddities of Chinese life...

This is China. 

1. Not telling you when you should, or should not, be working because you clearly burned the Chinese school calendar to memory without ever seeing it.

2. Sweating your tits off in huge coats but refusing to take them off (all my kids in class are permanently damp at the moment). 

3. Getting really surprised and confused when you use your left hand to write with, because clearly the left hand in china is only for decoration. 

4. Honking their car horns ALL THE TIME for no perceivable reason.  

5. Blocking both sides of the escalator for no perceivable reason, and never moving even if there is a train arriving and time to get on it. 

6. Talking to you in really fast Chinese with zero hand gestures or anything, and then being genuinely surprised when you don't understand. 

7. Cars using the pavement, pedestrians using the road (though the latter is partially influenced by the former). 

8. Spitting. Not only on the floor but AT EACH OTHER!

9. That hocking sound they do just before spitting. 

10. Babies pooping on the street. 

11. The godawful fashion sense (perfect example of the horrible overuse of florals below...)

12. Bus drivers driving like they're being chased by the furies. And then emergency braking, just for fun.  

13.  Everyone driving like a lunatic and still turning corners when the lights are red and you're crossing the road. 

14. The single, extra-long fingernail men maintain on one hand.

15. Having jobs like "the platform assistant" whose only noticeable role is to point to the platform-edge doors when a train comes into the station. Thanks so much, I'd forgotten how to board a train!

16. The ever present sound of demolition. How can there be that man buildings to demolish?!

17. The ever-present SIGHT of demolition. And the rather sinister sight of evidence in the rubble that people were rushed or hustled out of the area. 

18. Thinking that a motorbike/ebike is an acceptable form of transport for a four person family, including a precariously balanced baby. 

19. Thinking that an ebike is an acceptable form of transportation for an UNCHAINED DOG THE SIZE OF A LABRADOR

20. Having to make up missed hours of work due to public 'holidays'. Does it count as a break if one has to pay for that break by working Sunday?

21. Babies wearing trousers with split crotches and no nappies, specifically so they can easily poop and wee on the floor. 

22. Only using tiny, carrier bag sized, bin bags so that bins are permanently super full. 

23. People blowing their noses, not into tissues but directly onto the floor via the projectile snotting method. 

24. Hearing multitudinous stories about the general sexual immaturity here, especially regarding mid-20s women. It's so odd to hear stuff like "my friend thinks you're really cute" and seeing that friend is a grown woman, older than you! Comparative to British 14year olds!

25. Buses that stop (and don't stop) at whatever bus stops they please. 

26. Only having central heating in the top third of the country even though the middle drops below zero too!! Aircon units do not sufficiently heat a home!

27. Ridiculously old grandparents carrying huge children on their backs like they're pack mules. 

28. Taxis that see a Western person and immediately turn their light from green to red. 

29. The bizarre obsession with Avril Lavigne. 

30. The huge amount of black cavity holes in small children's teeth. I can only assume they don't bother looking after the milk teeth under the logic that they'll just fall out anyway.

31. Dogs wearing more ridiculous outfits than their owners. I'm talking velvet tracksuits, sailor outfits...the list goes on.

32. The way a fully functioning shop will pop up one day, and then be completely abandoned just a few days later.

33. The great satisfaction random Chinese people seem to feel where they force you to say "ting bu dong" (I don't understand). Almost as though that was their aim all along.

34. The way Chinese people sleep at any given opportunity. Sleeping in the office, on the bus, in restaurants...all normal. Especially in clubs, 50% of people in a club are asleep at any given time. 

35. That living on the same road as an execution building isn't a big deal.